Miscarriage. It's a hard thing to deal with. I was six weeks along when I experienced my first miscarriage. Hearing that my baby had no heartbeat was devastating. What was even more devastating was the process and waiting. I didn't want to have surgery so I went through several rounds of medication to pass the pregnancy on my own. Going through that and also having my blood drawn regularly to make sure my levels were going down was much more than I had anticipated. My friends around me were having successful pregnancies and I there I was. Feeling empty. After that, I just kept going. I never took the time to mourn or address my feelings.
My second miscarriage I was supposed to be right at fifteen weeks. However when I finally received prenatal care (due to a move overseas) I learned my my baby had died a week earlier. I was in a new country and I had to have surgery to remove my baby. That was traumatizing. Yet I continued to keep going. I did go on to deliver a healthy baby girl after those losses however I still felt empty. I remembered those babies. I became angry. I felt guilt. I felt shame. I didn't understand what was going on with me until everything had built up and I exploded! Through a lot of self work and counseling I realized that I had never grieved as I should have. I never addressed what I was feeling or what I was thinking. I put it in the back of my mind as I'm sure many of us do. Self-care is so important, especially after a loss such as miscarriage.
1. Be sure to seek medical attention if you need it. Miscarriages happen in the first trimester. Losses after that point are known as a fetal demise or still birth. Losses early on are sometimes looked over. Some people feel as though they may not need any medical treatment, however it's always best to follow up with your provider to be on the safe side. People avoid medical treatment for different reasons such as fear of being judged for what happened or thinking that they are fine. You deserve to be cared for and don't let anyone tell you otherwise!
2. Your feelings and thoughts.....pay attention! Healing means we have to deal with things that we avoid or push to the back of our minds. This is really hard to do. It can be painful! It may seem easy to not deal with them however in the long run the best thing to do is listen to yourself. If you're angry, it's okay! If you want to cry, cry. You can express your emotions and thoughts in many different ways. I love to journal and it really did help me out. It still does. Art is good, such as drawing or even talking to someone close to you. Also don't let anyone rush your healing process. We heal at different speeds. Take your time!
3. Connect with your body....again. I went through this difficult time of self blaming. I felt that my body had betrayed me. As if it had turned on me. I had delivered a beautiful baby girl before and then back to back miscarriages. Why! How?! I lost sight of who I was for a long time. I was disconnected from myself. I slowly started to reconnect, I started exercising again, I would remember how I enjoyed nice showers and how soothing it was to me. I would meditate and get my nails done. I placed affirmations on my bathroom mirror and spoke to myself nicely. Most importantly I started to trust myself again. I realized that yes I did experience something traumatic however my I (my body) wasn't to blame. I realized that I deserved love, patience and kindness. I also realized that there are things that are way beyond my control and that it was okay to take the necessary time needed to heal.
The above tips are just a few ways to help you along the healing journey after a miscarriage. There are several different ways to do this. Never hesitate to reach out and don't feel bad for taking the time and space you need after hard events in your life. Have you or someone you know experienced a miscarriage? How did you (they) deal with the aftermath? Until next time. Take care of yourselves! Sending you peace love and light!
Pregnancy Health Coach